I had a very long day and then stayed up most of the night working on some drywall as part of a home improvement (which means I am in an extremely tired state and spent the last number of hours alone with my thoughts and a 200 foot roll of paper tape). Also this week in general has been more reflective and even somber focussing in on the sacrifice of Jesus. To top it all off it was a dreary day so that didn't help either...
There are a number of dark sides to beginning a new church and there are many incredible things as well. I am amazed at how God brings and knits people together to accomplish the task in ways that are beyond human connection and comprehension. I have been blown away over the past months to see who God has brought to this journey and how I love walking hand and hand with these wonderful people, many of whom I did not know even six months ago.
Tonight however I started to think more about the courage and stamina it takes to endure the emotional toll of those who choose not to come along on the journey. I have had people look me in the eye and tell me God told them to be part of what we are doing who will not even answer or return my phone calls. There are people I was connected with this summer who I felt tremendous friendship with that have never even visited the deep. Myself and a number of other team members have incredibly close friends and even family members in this area who are not currently on this journey.
There is pain in knowing that people who you love deeply just aren't interested enough to put some skin in the game with you. It is not easy to see those who you thought would take the trip or even said they would take the trip disappear from the radar screen. No matter who is "in", there is still a measure of struggle in seeing those who are close and those who are family doing something separate.
Two things (beyond the significant and obvious wonderful people and families who are journeying with us) keep me going in moments of reflection like this...
1. My 71 year old Dad who reads along with us in the Bible on our chapter a day calendar and listens to our podcast every week...from another country! I know if my parents lived anywhere in the area they would be at the deep every Sunday! Because their grandson is there and because they have always believed in me and the things I have done 100%. Mom and Dad, thanks for the faith you have in me!
2. The burning desire that remains alive and well in my heart, even in the most difficult moments, that I know has been placed there by God! I was never promised that the task and vision for this new church was going to be easy...but I know it is what God has asked my to be part of and do in this time and this place!
1 comment:
Just said a prayer for you and the folks at the Deep. I sometimes wonder why some don't get in the game to the full myself. It's sad when I think of what they are missing out on.
By the way Nehemiah has become a favorite book of mine. I had never read that book before. So thanks.
Randy
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