Why Men Are Fat?

I have lost 52 pounds to date and have all kinds of thoughts rolling around in my mind like 'why didn't I do this sooner' and 'it is not as hard as I thought'. One idea has been begging me to become a blog post and since I have never heard anyone speculate about this it seemed like an interesting notion to roll out.

I have spoken with literally hundreds of men over the years who talk with heartbroken bitterness about how their spouses are seemingly never interested in any type of sexual intimacy. The story typically goes, we met, there were sparks, we did the "till death do us part" thing and is now seems like any physical interest in me was little more than a ploy to secure a mate (I could go on and on about how much of this I have heard and thoughts about it but must press on to my thought).

One of the side effects I have noticed in a pronounced way since losing a bunch of weight (and have heard many others talk about), is that desire/drive/libido skyrocket with increased fitness (enough about that...this is a PG blog ;-).

HERE IS MY THOUGHT: I wonder, on a subconscious level, if many men live at an unhealthy state, simply to numb their level of sexual desire and keep from feeling the intense pain of rejection with greater frequency.

Here's to leaning into health and seeing positive relational results come even if it is through pain.

Weight loss challenge...

Almost three weeks ago now, I embarked on a weight loss challenge with a friend from church. The goal is to lose 40 pounds first and the challenge has incentives and penalties at various points along the way.

I spent the first two weeks doing nothing but juice fasting (drinking the juice of fresh fruits and vegetables and not eating any solid foods). Starting this third week I have been eating again, largely because I was at a conference and the logistics of continuing on would have been more difficult.

It is interesting how eating again, causes such a huge fluctuation, as this morning my scale told me I was at 27 pounds lost and tonight it said I was at 21...and while I drank tons of water I had not eaten that much and certainly nothing unhealthy (I bet/hope I am back to 26-27 again in the morning).

Let me say one more thing before I make a few observations...I know that the first thing I have to say could be extremely offensive...so please hear it through the lens of me speaking of only a glimpse and not of full understanding.

1. Ending My Fast Was Harder Than Keeping It! For my first meal I had a piece of grilled salmon, some green beans, some yellow beans, and some broccoli. I ate half the vegetables and two bites of salmon before I was stuffed. The black pepper used to season the vegetables burned on my tongue as it was surprised by spices it had usually taken for granted. Not only did I feel full and have a hard time eating (here is the potentially offensive thing) I also had a difficult time emotionally, and for the first time in my life understood why someone would choose the patterns of an eating disorder. After a few veggies I felt "fat" and would have preferred it out!

2. Keeping My Fast Was A Piece Of Cake! There were rough moments and even a rough day or two, but they had nothing to do with me being hungry or weak. Those moments were me being confronted with the reality that I was utterly addicted to the taste of food (and especially unhealthy food). The worst part of my fast was not the fast, it was the scores of people who have never done an extended fast telling me how dangerous and unhealthy my actions were (funny how the many I spoke with who have experienced extended fasting said no such thing). The one part of this that was huge motivation for me was one friend who fasts all 40 days each lent, telling me "the reason people think it is dangerous is because so few people in our culture truly understand sacrifice and giving something up". The entire second week I had tons of energy, amazing clarity and felt healthier than I have my entire adult life! Not only would I do this again I am planning to do an extended fast (one month) every year for the rest of my life as the physical and spiritual advantages I experienced in just two weeks were undeniable!

3. Now that I am done with this fasting phase of the challenge, the hard part is upon me! I am eating food again (and doing well with portion control, selection, and cooking method). I am also walking, running, swimming, cycling to try and live each day in a significantly different way. 98% of everything I now drink is pure, crisp, water. Funny how cutting everything out was easy and now adding only the right things back, and sustaining that, is the true test of how successful I will or will not be.

One final note for now...as much as I push against some of these changes, the benefits have been so good that my entire being wants to keep moving in this direction and not return (please remind me of this if you see me falling off the wagon). My feet don't hurt at the end of the day like they have for as long as I can remember. My knees no longer hurt. After only one week I could already start to see and feel changes in my body composition. And perhaps the coolest thing was while trying on some jeans I discovered that my, for what seems like forever, 42 waist was now a 38!

A new chapter begins...

This Sunday, the congregation who owns the building we have been working to buy, is officially handing it off to us and moving into their new space. They have all their stuff out now, which makes the building feel empty yet so full of possibility!

Some things about this are frightening and certainly challenging, but more than anything, exciting!

We put up our new sign today...

Our Church...

I have not blogged in quite some time...so I suppose this marks my quiet return.

Perhaps I have simply had to much else to do or perhaps, since my Dad was always asking when I was going to write something new for him to read, his death has made blogging more difficult.

A number of things created the "perfect storm" in my mind today and I just had to push through and post...

It is funny to me when people talk about the church as "my church".  I suppose it makes sense from the standpoint of my role as a pastor, or for people who where part of the deep, founding pastor, but this concept misses the point.  

I suppose there is an allure for some to like this...especially when the comment is something to the effect of "I really like 'your church' pastor".  It is easy to see why something we help create and lead can boost our ego when it is doing well or well liked by others.

The thing that both sounds and is more powerful to me though is when people say "our church".  Instead of an entity that is all about me and one that I am solely responsible for, there is power in a tribe of people banding together to do something great...and also the ability to accomplish that does not exist when everything is up to one human.

We have all heard stories about the evil side of this when a pastor gets chewed up by people who felt too much ownership in their church and would not allow the pastor to do their job.  Even so, my heart is hungry for more people who will dive in and say that regardless of the hurdles or the journey this is "my church" and I am all in!

Two Perspectives

Last weekend if you drove by one of our local parks you would have noticed a huge gathering of people!

We heard from a police officer that we should avoid that park and this entire area due to this gathering.  He said that it was a gathering a two huge gangs from East Michigan, was nothing but trouble and that there are always "shots fired" when these folks are in town.

We have a family in the church who lives right beside this park and I was over at their house that day for a few minutes.  It was fun to talk to this family who had been over at the park playing with their daughter earlier in the day.  They were excited to see and even interact with all these people.  They had nothing bad to say!

I want to be the kind of person who is redemptive, sees good and positive things in others regardless of information or situation.   

Want To Grow Strong?

I sat with someone yesterday who talked about wanting to grow strong spiritually with as much earnestness and desperation as I have seen in a very long time.  I wanted with all my heart to wave a magic wand, pray a special prayer or take some other quick step and help them see significant immediate progress.  We did talk and we did pray and our conversation sounded a lot like read with us in the bible, interact on our forums, pray, serve, connect with the community of people and over time you'll be amazed at how far you come and how strong you grow.

Two hours later I was driving with a friend of mine for our first real mountain bike ride of the year.  I have been feeling good and riding my road bike a bunch (on flat paved surfaces) which I thought would really take the edge off of this thirteen mile hilly course.  As you can guess I was wrong and about four miles in I started walking my bike up hills so that I would not kill my legs and would actually be able to finish the entire loop.  I wanted to ride up all the hills and I wished with all my heart that I was in better shape and could fly through everything.  I wanted to be able to wave some magic wand and "be there".  

The truth is that my desire to be immediately in shape after far too much neglect for far too long is the same as people wanting spiritual strength quickly as well.  You have to train and work and experience pain and keep pushing when you don't feel like it or think there has been any progress.  Gaining strength is difficult!  There is way more pain than people like to think or promote.  I am looking for another immanent opportunity to hurt and feel like a totally out of place out of shape "wanna bee" because I know if I don't I'll never get there!   

Having experienced physical fitness and strength and spiritual fitness and strength at various times throughout my life I must say that the price of the journey, while great, is worth every penny.  Perhaps this journey for me physically will inspire me enough to maintain what I am achieving this time around instead of always starting from scratch... 

Connection...

Today (Sunday March 30th) was a great day for me as a pastor!

I was tired (I have been "getting in shape" and my body is in the "working hard but still not providing extra energy and in need of more rest to recover" phase).  As such, my mental acuity was lacking and I didn't feel like my message was as sharp.

Add to that we had some new people and the district superintendent stopped in for a surprise visit, which was great (thanks Mark...always good to see you), but given that my message didn't feel as "on" today I almost had to chuckle at the irony (is this your sense of humor God?  I am glad this is all about you and not me ;-).

So, why was this such a good day for me?

I watched people interact, talked to people and overheard a number of conversations that were all indicative of how people were growing, in fairly significant ways, in their connection to each other!  I have always believed that a church is incredibly weak when most of the people only have one relational connection.  In a church plant that just happens early on as everyone is new!  Today however it was evident to me that people are really getting to know each other and enjoying this new spiritual family!

You can say that this is happening because of the growing number of people who come to our Tuesday lunch discussion group, because of the good friday experience we shared at the Duers', because of the various ways we have and are serving together, because people are taking the initiative themselves...and while all these things contribute to this reality the cool thing is that it is taking place!

God, connect us to each other and allow that connection cause us to know and experience you in even greater ways!