As a pastor in our culture numbers are worn as badges of success (and not just from the standpoint of vain ministers...it is what others ask about, track and seem to ultimately care about as well). How many people attend your gatherings, how much money you have to work with, the size of your budget and what type of facility you have are always the questions that our culture measures you by. As a result there is incredible pressure to avoid answering these question or to answer them in a way that shines the best possible light on them (I would like to say that church planting...when you have limited people/money and almost always no facility...helps eliminate this tendency, but that is not the case).
The more I interact with recovering substance abusers I notice that numbers are worn as badges for them as well! They become milestones of success that communicate how long, by the grace of God, they have been able to keep their addiction at bay! Even during a relapse, addicts seem to always cling to how long they "were clean" before falling back into their old pattern of living.
The thing that really struck me about this showed up during a recent crisis. A friend who was in a really tough spot and who has been consistently "falling off the wagon" was asked how long they were clean. The honest answer was probably something like a week or two, but the answer they gave was eight months! God checked the internal indignity I initially felt by promptly reminding me of the pressure I feel when asked "number questions" and I was able to both see and understand that whether the eight months were recently consecutive, a while back, or some other inventive construct of the mind, it was an important mark for the individual to cling to as a sign and source of hope (much like the pastor whose church is 100 but had 200 at a special event last year).
I guess the important conclusion for me was that the more I can simply be present and be the hands and feet of Jesus in real ways for real people...and as a pastor interact with those that many pastors are so insulated from that they would never see...the more my "number issues" become much less significant and the more God breaks my heart for this community! What does it matter if we only post good numbers but never see changed lives? I tend to place a high value on both! If the badges we wore were ones of well being that involved measurements like transformation and health as well as "the numbers" we'd all be in a much better place!
We'll always be asked number questions (pastors and addicts)! They are important questions to ask and track! They are just easier questions to succeed at answering when we know those asking truly love and value us regardless of how much the truth may miss the mark!
We love you SM!
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